From The Underworld
Satan’s Management Style
I. Punishment in the New Regime
“There are no punishments in hell except
The hungers and the habits each soul brings.
No medieval dungeons staffed by furies.
You get exactly what you want forever.
What torture more inexhaustible,
So subtle or so slow? But I suspect
The genius of the system’s lost on you.”
II. L’Ancien Régime
“Throughout the aeons demons and the doomed
Collaborated on their punishments—
Each torment tailor-made, almost bespoke.
However awful, it was truly yours.
But population pressure nixed that custom.
It’s hard to craft the perfect penalty
With lines of sinners stretching out the door.”
III. Management Crisis
“Pity his poor Satanic Majesty,
He was the victim of his own success,
His kingdom mired in pandemonium
With mobs of new arrivals overwhelming
The broken ranks of his bedraggled crew.
The fallen angels were impossible
To manage—even God threw in the towel.”
IV. Turnaround
“The Prince of Darkness is a visionary.
Just look at Hell. He took complete defeat
And peddled it as cosmic liberation.
‘Profoundest Hell, receive thy new Possessor.
Better to reign in Hell than serve in heaven.’
Pure braggadocio but done with style,
The histrionic swagger demons love.”
V. Delegate, Delegate
“Watching the place unravel, Satan saw
An opportunity beyond the chaos.
What if he found a way to let the damned
Punish themselves? They liked to make bad choices.
Why not allow them to repeat their sins?
Let Hell become a game they never win,
A wheel that always hits on double zero.”